Dealing with Emotion

Dealing with emotion as a distraction from performance is an imporatant mental skill and input from an accredited sport psychologist is appropriate. (Motivation and Mental Toughness is a useful SportsCoach UK workshop) Here we will examine the handling of emotion in the coach/athlete relationship and as a life/self management issue, so as to arm coaches to provide a sound basis for specific mental preparation.

Figure 18 Cycle of Emotion charts positive and negative ways of dealing with feeling. Work on self-awareness enables the individual to recognise and accept their emotional responses and express those feelings safely. This could talking to a trusted friend or colleague; physical exercise as an outlet; social activity or other distraction. Assertively addressing the source of the conflict if timely and appropriate, may be a part of dealing with emotion after the initial anger, etc., has subsided. Personal preference is key, but the feeling needs to be recognised accurately and the response to it well thought through. When the heat of emotion has dispersed either through a coping strategy or simply the passage of time, clarity of thought can return. This could well be aided by efforts to understanding the other person’s point of view via the use of the responsive skills, detailed above) and an logical strategy for addressing the problem planned.

Accepting others’ feelings and responding appropriately is dependent on this awareness and acceptance of one’s own emotions. Next on needs the skills of active listening and empathy which have been outlined in some detail under verbal communication, above. Athletes, especially teenagers, need to feel that it is safe to express strong feelings, disappointment for example, without endangering their relationship with the coach or his/her personal equilibrium. Experienced coaches will have had the chance to learned to live with the ups and downs of the sport and they need that experience in order to reflect to the athlete that, although disappointment seems overwhelming now, learning, recovery and growth are around the corner.

Coaches may at times need their own support structures, such as a trusted colleague, friend or mentor to share their frustration, exasperation, disappointment or elation so that, with the athlete, acceptance and realistic, positive appraisal can be maintained. Displays of extreme emotion by coaches in front of athletes are suspect and may be particularly repellent to many girls and women. Such behaviour begs the question “Who’s needs are taking priority here?” Coaches may accumulate high levels of stress at various times. See figure 11, Symptoms of Stress and Methods of Mgt. Like anyone else, career, financial or relationship issues can accumulate so that coaching issues that would normally be dealt with calmly can suddenly seem like the last straw. In such instances it is crucial for coaches to have sufficient self awareness to find a safe outlet for their feelings , and appropriate stress busting action taken so that coaching issues can be tackled logically.

Figure 24 Levels of Communication provides an interesting model to aid thinking about appropriate sources of support, where levels 4 (feelings) and 5 (peak rapport) can be reached. In contrast, as a power relationship, rapport is not equally balanced between coach and athlete. The coach, whilst being a steadying influence and able to sponge up emotion from the athlete to a reasonable extent, will be mainly operating at level three, ideas and judgements. S/he may provide peak rapport with the athlete in terms of her holistic requirements of performance. But this does not operate in reverse. The athlete cannot provide this for the coach. Expectations of that kind of equality leave the athlete in danger of abuse. They are not equipped to fulfil that expectation and that is not their role. Coaches require their own peer support systems, colleagues, mentors, friends or life partners with whom to share their personal vulnerabilities.

Change is a feature of modern society on every level and increasing rates of change has become a well documented phenomenon. Figure 25, "The Transition Curve" is based on original work by Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross on bereavement.

It is now recognised that individuals responding to any change, good, bad or indifferent, follow this same process. The speed at which this proceeds may be dependant on the degree of personal disruption experienced or anticipated, personality, emotional health or a variety of environmental variables. The death of a life partner or close relative may take years to come to terms with, with several regressions to earlier stages, for instance from the letting go or depressive stage back to false hope/ denial. Sometimes the full mourning process is never completed, and people become stuck and unable to fully experience their own emotional life. At the other extreme, thinking through instantaneous responses to a false start or a no-jump – the seven stages are likely to be so fleeting that frustration and experiment (ie., adjusting the run-up) may be all that is recalled. However, responding to the emotional effects of an injury, with the accompanying losses (ambition, training, social links in the sport, the coach’s attention – it may seem that a whole way of life to a dedicated athlete) may take months to work through. Understanding the emotional and self-esteem responses involved are likely to reduce stress and speed the process.

Perversely, success can sometimes prove almost as disruptive as failure or disappointment and a similar process of assimilating the new reality is necessary. As an example, the sense of anti-climax after the achievement of a success worked for over a long period is a common experience. It is an example of stage 2, false hope, “nothing substantial has changed after all. Bear in mind also, that people working in partnership are likely to be at different stages of a change process at any one time. A coach may adapt to a disappointment, or a success, much more quickly than the athlete, or either party may be affected by another issue altogether. The skills of empathy are crucial here. It is essential that the athlete is allowed her “grieving process.” The assistance of an accredited sport psychologist may also be necessary if slow recovery is hindering preparation for the next competition. This is another instance of the usefulness of self-awareness, for the athlete must be able to identify that she is still lingering over a disappointment before she can deal with it effectively.

For athletes, working with a coach who is cognisant of these life skills is highly advantageous. It allows an atmosphere of acceptance and understanding from which the athlete can develop her own self knowledge. Physical conditioning allows the body to perform to the required technical level, which, obviously, is a very different thing from an intellectual understanding of the science of movement. Similarly, a coaching culture which includes “emotional literacy” provides a fertile foundation for the assimilation of mental preparation skills into her thinking and behaviour, which is a very different thing from merely understanding them intellectually.